The Darkest Shadows
by Michael J. O'Malley
Summary: Wammy AU-Light has had enough of being in L's shadow. He wants to end it so bad it hurts. When he finally has a chance to end his pain, someone saves him. Will Light recover from this depression, or will he succumb to the darkness of the shadows cast on him? Warnings: Cutting, language, might be triggering, MxM, sporadic updates, OOCness. Enter at your own risk. You've been warned.
1. Prologue

**So this is my first Death Note fanfic. I hope you like it! XD**

**o**

**Light's POV**

I couldn't stand it anymore. I couldn't stand being at Wammy's House any longer. Not with that shadow always being cast over me. Not with all the looks of disapproval or disappointment being shot at me constantly. I just wanted it to end. And I finally had the chance to end it once and for all without anyone to stop me.

So I took the silver knife, watching as it glinted in the cold, quicksilver moonlight, and pressed it to my forearm gently, dragging it across the scarred, pale skin. I let a small, pained chuckle out as the red liquid beaded across the thin, shallow cut and slowly dripped down the sides of my arm.

I brought the knife to my arm again, but this time cut deeper, causing the blood to come rushing to the surface and pouring down my arm, dripping onto the grass of the dark forest. I finished that cut and continued carving into my arm until the word 'worthless' was shown, bloody and ugly.

I switched the knife to my other hand and continued carving into the other arm until the word 'trash' was shown there. The cuts on my other arm were shallower and less bloody, probably due to how weak the arm I cut with was. I let the knife fall from my hand, glistening with crimson liquid, and onto the ground.

Black dots danced in my vision and color leeched from the world as the light-headedness began to take over. Soon black almost completely took me over, and I collapsed onto the ground. I heard my name being cried, distant and quiet. A single tear left my eye as the darkness took over. '_I'm finally free,' _I thought.

**o**

**And that, my dear readers, is the prologue. I hope you enjoyed! This was a spur of the moment fanfic, so if you don't like it, please tell me how I could make it better. I actually invite any type of constructive criticism and even flaming, so please give me some feedback.**

**~O'Malley out!**


	2. Chapter One

**So chapter one. Not sure how this is gonna end up, but let's see. Please enjoy the fanfic!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note (unfortunately).**

**-DN-**

**Light's POV**

I gave a shuddering sigh as I drug the blade across my pale and scarred skin once again. I wanted so badly to end it right then, but I knew that I would be caught and found out before I could pass out from blood loss. As much as I would love to take that chance, I knew that once people knew that I wouldn't be allowed near anything sharp or harmful to my life until they were sure I was over it. Which would be never.

I rested my head against the cool wood of the white painted door. My head was pounding and my arms stinging. I welcomed the pain in my arms, but I could've done without the headache. I got up off of the tiled floor of the bathroom and squatted down next to the sink where the cabinets were.

I opened the off white cabinet and pulled out my first aid kit I had managed to smuggle in. I unlatched it and opened the box. I grimaced when I noticed that I was running low on gauze. I pulled the disinfectant wipes out and wiped the blood off of my arms, reveling in the stinging feeling radiating from them.

When I was finished cleaning my arms up and stopping the bleeding, I pulled the gauze out and wrapped my arms up, tightly securing the bandages. I tugged the sleeves of my hoodie down and stood up slowly, so as to not get light headed and fall down. I leaned against the marble counter and looked at my reflection in the mirror.

I looked at my almost unnaturally pale skin, my dull reddish-brown eyes that had almost unnoticeable bags beneath them, and my brown hair was disheveled and messy. I looked a complete mess. I knew that I should care about my looks more, that I should care more about what people thought of me, but I didn't.

I only ever dressed nicely when there were people visiting to see the 'genius' orphanage. I knew that if I didn't that I would ruin Whammy's reputation, and that was one thing I didn't want to do. I walked to the door and pulled it open to see L waiting with an impassive look on his face as he waited for me to finish.

I gave him a small nod in greeting and walked past him. He nodded back, almost imperceptibly, and went into the bathroom. I heard the door close behind me and had a small moment of panic, wondering if I had really cleaned all the blood up, or if I had missed some as I was cleaning.

I forced myself to calm down and not panic. I soon found my way to my room and walked into the organized yet cluttered dorm. I had books shoved onto all five of the shelves that were against walls, and some even lined up next to them in an orderly fashion from when I realized I was out of room.

My bed was neatly made and just begging me to lay on it and fall asleep, but I knew that I couldn't. I had homework and studying to do. So I strode to my desk and sat down, pulling all of the books and notebooks I would need from the shelf next to me.

I then spent the next hour finishing my homework, and then three hours after that studying with small breaks in between. When I finally pulled myself from my studies I realized it was already two in the morning.

I also realized that I wasn't even tired and that I wouldn't be getting any sleep that night either. So I decided to keep studying. Even though I knew I would never be able to live up to L's legend, I still studied and never let my grades slip.

I was just one level below L, second in the orphanage only to the genius detective. I let out a small sigh at that thought and immersed myself in my studies. I finally came back to the real world two hours later, and closed my notebooks and textbooks with a sigh.

I got up from my desk and turned my lamp off, following my green clock light to the bed. I didn't bother changing into night clothes and crawled in bed, falling asleep after an hour of tossing and turning.

**-The Next Morning—**

I woke to my alarm. Without opening my eyes I slammed my hand on the snooze button and forced myself to sit up in bed. I had only gotten two hours of sleep, having fallen asleep at five in the morning and woken up at seven. My body was sluggish and heavy.

I slowly swung my legs over the side of my bed and stood up, switching the alarm off so that it didn't go off again. I made myself go through my morning ritual of showering, changing clothes, eating breakfast, and brushing my teeth.

The dining room was empty, for a reason I didn't figure out until I looked at my phone and realized that it was a Saturday and I could've slept in. I drug myself back into the bed and quickly fell asleep again after not having more than two hours of sleep for the past two weeks.

**-12:54 P.M.—**

The next time I woke up it was to somebody knocking on my bedroom door. I tried to ignore it, but after a couple of minutes of the steady stream of knocks I got out of bed with a groan and went to my door.

To say I was surprised at who was there was an understatement. L was standing there with a slightly annoyed look that it seemed only I could bring out. "What?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"You're late," was all L said.

"For . . .?" I asked, not getting the point.

"The meeting with Watari. You told him you would be there at twelve," the detective said, his indifferent expression returning.

I cursed underneath my breath and turned back to my room, grabbing my shoes and messenger bag. "And why were you the one to come and tell me?" I asked, grabbing a notebook from a shelf.

"Because I was supposed to be at the meeting as well, and Watari asked me to come get you when you didn't show up," L responded.

I nodded and rushed past him, practically running down the hall. I went down the two flights of stairs to the first floor, then walked down the entrance hall to the ornate wooden door where Watari's office was.

I knocked on the door and entered when I was told. L soon entered after me. "I'm sorry I'm late. I didn't realize that I would sleep so long," I apologized, bowing slightly.

"It's fine, Light," Watari answered, a smile on his face. "Please, sit down. I have something I want to discuss with the both of you."

I sat down, a feeling of uneasiness settling in the pit of my stomach. In the corner of my eye I saw L sit down in the chair a few feet from my own.

"I don't know what's happened between the two of you," Watari began, "but it seems as though since a few years ago something between you has changed. You two used to be so close, close enough to be brothers. Is everything between you two okay?"

I didn't meet Watari's or L's eyes, instead choosing to look at the floor. I wanted to say that, no, we were not okay and L's fucking shadow that was being cast over me made me want to kill myself. I wanted to say that we weren't okay because he caused everyone to be disappointed in me. But instead I only said, "Yes, sir, we're fine." I looked up and sent an award winning smile at Watari.

The smile felt completely fake, even to me, but it seemed to convince Watari. "That is all I wanted to know. You may go now." The look of worry in Watari's eyes told me that he didn't' believe me.

I left before L, confused as to why Watari would ask us to his office just for that. Usually he would want to discuss a case or a business or something like that, but the topic he brought up was something I never would've expected.

"Light," L said, stopping me with a hesitant hand on my shoulder. "Are we really okay?"

I looked back to see L's same old indifferent expression, but the look in his eyes was doubtful. "Of course," I said, giving him a small smile I hope was convincing.

"Are _you _okay?" he asked.

I frowned at him, confused. "Yes?" I said, confusion lacing my voice.

"It's just . . ." L hesitated, ". . . you seem a bit anti-social lately, and you look sick a lot. It just makes me wonder."

"I'm fine," I said, brushing his hand off of my shoulder as nonchalantly as I could. "I need to go to lunch, so I'll see you later."

With that I speed walked down the hall and towards the staircase. Somehow I knew that the next few days would be hell for me. I just didn't know what would be in store.

**0**

**I know they're a bit OOC, but please bear with me. If you have any advice for me then please put them in the reviews, or PM me about it. Review, favorite, follow, PM, and tell me how I did. Until next time, ja ne!**

**~O'Malley out!**


	3. Chapter Two

**And here's chapter two. This plot is probably really bad, but whatever. Here goes.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note ;-;**

**-DN—DN—**

**Light's POV**

I groaned when the sunlight hit my closed eyes, painting the back of my eyelids red. "Come on, get up. You're late again. We have to go greet the guests."

I didn't process the voice at first as I sat up in my bed. And then I realized who it was and my body snapped to full awareness. "L?!" I asked, disconcerted. "What are you doing in here?"

L gave a small sigh, though there were no traces of emotion on his face other than boredom. "You're late greeting our guests. They came to see the school, and you promised to be there to help guide them." I groaned again, burying my face in my hands.

"Get out of my room and I'll get ready," I told the detective, annoyance leaking into my voice. I really wasn't in the mood for guiding some more snobby, arrogant people around again, especially not since I'd only gotten about half an hour of sleep, if even that.

I looked at L, and noticed he had a strange expression on his face. It was thoughtful, almost worried, and puzzled me. "What?" I asked. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

My words snapped L out of whatever thoughts he'd been emerged in and said, "Did you say something?"

"No, nothing. Now get out," I told him, and he complied, striding out of the room. I shook my head but let it go. I would find out another time. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood up, running a hand through my tangled hair.

I quickly showered and got dressed in black jeans, a light green button-up with a white t-shirt beneath it, and shiny black dress shoes. As I walked out I threw my dark grey dress-coat on and slipped my phone in my pocket, noting that I was, indeed, thirty minutes late.

I quickly made my way to the large entrance room where the guests were waiting. Or rather, guest. I almost froze in shock at who it was that I saw, but quickly covered it up and kept walking when I saw L and Whammy there as well, both dressed nicely, although I could tell L was uncomfortable.

I gave a bright smile to the devilish (not in the good way) man and said, "Welcome to Director Whammy's school. I'll be showing you around."

The man smirked, as if satisfied, and responded in his deep, baritone voice, "Of course. Please, lead the way." And the tour of the whole school, and the grounds, went on for about an hour, me talking and the man, if he could even be called that, listening.

I was immensely uneasy, but I did my best to hide that uneasiness and kept going as if nothing was wrong. During the tour, I noted how L, who was following along and adding to what I said, sometimes frowned at me as if he sensed something wrong.

I ignored his looks and kept going, just wishing for the day to end. When the tour of the school was finally over, Watari said, "Light, why don't you show him the dorms, then meet L and me for lunch in the cafeteria?" It might've been a question in another circumstance, but this time it was an order.

As much as I wanted to avoid the man like the plague, I knew I had to obey Watari. I nodded, giving a smile, then said, "Yes, sir. If you'll follow me." As the man and I walked together towards the staircase that would lead to the dorms, I looked over my shoulder and shot Watari a glare. The old man looked confused at my sudden anger, but I offered no explanation.

The walk up the stairs was deathly silent other than our muted footsteps against the carpet. "So, Light, how is school?"

I flinched imperceptibly at the sound of his voice but kept my expression blank. "It's going well. I'm second only to Ryuuzaki-senpai," I responded, hesitating slightly at the feel of the word 'senpai' being associated with L.

And again, I could feel that disappointed stare being directed at me when he heard that I was second and not first in the school. Everyone gave me that look, even Watari at times. Like when the grade board comes up and it shows my score, barely two points below L's, and Watari gives me this look that portrays just how upset he is that I still couldn't beat L in anything.

And every time that look is sent at me I flinch and itch for the touch of my cool blade. "That's good to hear. I'm glad that you're doing well after that . . . accident you had."

My eyes widened and I almost stopped as I was finishing the last step. I forced myself to continue walking towards the heavy wooden door that lead to the dorm hallway. I grabbed the cool brass doorknob and pulled the door open.

I decided not to comment on his last statement and instead chose to say, "This is where everyone lives. No one shares a room because we have so much space and a smaller amount of people. The room at the end of the hall to the right is mine," I said, pointing to the end of the hall. It wasn't a complete lie. It was at the end of the hall, just not the last one. Mine was the third to last one.

"May I see your room, if it isn't too much trouble? I would like to see how you live," the man said, smiling in his sickeningly sweet way.

I gave him a just as sickeningly sweet smile and agreed, leading him to my room. When I stopped at the third to last door, I felt a gaze at my back, but ignored it and opted for unlocking my door. The dark wooden door swung open to reveal my cluttered yet neat room.

The man walked in and looked around, as if inspecting every detail of where I lived. "Come in and close the door," he said in a deep voice that sent shivers of fear and unease down my spine.

I pretended not to hear and said, "We should go. It's about time for us to meet Whammy and Ryuuzaki-senpai in the cafeteria."

"Come in," the man said in a deep, terrifying voice, "and close the door. Lock it as well." I tried to back away but he caught my wrist and flung me into the room, causing me to crash onto the floor. I winced when my right arm hit the floor hard, making the cuts sting.

The man himself closed the door and turned the lock, then walked over to me, grabbing my wrists and pinning them to floor above my head. "I think it's time we had a family reunion, Light." A sick, sadistic grin split across his face, and I felt a whimper of fear escape me when the man's free hand slipped underneath my shirt.

'_Please, someone, help me!' _I cried in my mind.

**-DN—DN—**

**And that is chapter two. I know, it escalated quickly, but whatever. I just need this idea out of my mind, as much as I love it. I'll probably end up coming back and rewriting it completely if a certain amount of people don't like it, so don't worry if it's bad.**

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM me! I'm taking requests now, so please give me any you have. Until next time . . .**

**~O'Malley out!**


	4. Chapter Three

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note, nor will I ever. As much as it pains me to say it.**

**-DN—DN—**

**L's POV**

Light was acting very strange all throughout the tour. Sometimes an uneasy expression would cross his face when Mr. Lein talked, and it made me wonder whether they knew each other from Light's past. But if that was so, wouldn't Light have said something? I tried to ignore what was going on between them, the glances the man would give Light and the expressions Light's face would take, but it worried me for some reason, and made a pit of curiosity and intrigue form in my stomach.

If they had known each other, what were they to one another? Family? Friends? . . . Lovers? No, of course not. Maybe ex-boyfriends? Why did I even care? What did it matter to me what kind of relationship they had? It wasn't like it interfered with me or my work. I tried to let it go but the curiosity kept getting to me and my thoughts would stray back to that.

I decided that later, when the tour was over and Light seemed more relaxed, I would ask him. Finally the tour of the school ended and Watari told Light to take Mr. Lein to the dorms. Light looked very reluctant to go, and even sent Watari a glare as he walked away with the large man.

What was going on between those two? As I ate lunch later, and I thought about Light and that man, I realized I knew nothing of his past or what he had been before he arrived five years earlier. It was a slight shock to realize this when we used to be so close.

Had our relationship been so artificial that I knew nothing about the teen? Had we been so fake, even though it seemed so real? I shook those thoughts off, reminding myself that I would ask Light about it later. But it still left me wondering about the rest of Light's past.

As lunch started to end and Light and the man took longer and longer to get back, a sense of dread overcame me. I felt relief flush through me, though, when I saw the man walk into the cafeteria, but that relief quickly dissipated when I didn't see Light with him.

Lein sat across from Watari and me with a plate of food, and I asked him where Light was. "Light gave me an extensive tour of the dorms, and even showed me his room. He seemed a bit tired so I made him rest and reassured him that I would find my own way to the cafeteria." The man smiled in a reassuring manner, but I didn't quite believe him.

I finished off my meal and asked Watari, "I assume you can take it from here? I have a case I need to work on." Watari nodded, smiling kindly at me, and I walked away as quickly as I could without drawing attention. I actually _did _have a case to work on, but that wasn't what I was going to do.

I practically ran up the steps and down the hall to Light's room, the sense of dread building as I got closer. I tried to open the door, but found that it was locked. I knocked softly, hoping that Light was awake, and said, "Light, let me in. I need to talk to you."

There was no response, only silence coming from the other side of the door. After knocking quite loudly on it after, I came to the conclusion that Light was not there. I ran through all the places he could possibly be, but quickly vetoed all of them.

I decided to search the second floor of the building for him, hoping that I wouldn't take too long in case he was hurt. As I passed the bathroom to go to the East wing of the building I heard noises coming from inside.

There was the sound of water rushing and the rustling of clothes. And then, when I pressed my ear closer to the door, I heard muttering and whispers. I could only catch, ". . . can't . . . clean . . . so dirty . . . stop . . . hurts . . ." and other things similar to that.

I was highly worried when I recognized the voice to be Light's. I knocked on the door. "Light, are you okay?"

Cursing could easily be heard through the door, and more rustling of clothes, before I heard him say, "I'm fine. Some books just fell on me. I'm cleaning myself up."

"Do you want help?"

"No! I mean, no, I don't need any help. I'm almost done. Just . . . leave me alone," he said, and I heard more cursing and the water turning off.

"You don't sound like you're fine," I countered.

"Well I am!" Light snapped. "Now just leave me alone!" I quickly realized that he wouldn't give in, so I gave up and told him, "Okay, but if you ever need any help, just come to me."

There was only a scoff in response. With that, I walked away, worry gnawing at my insides.

**Light's POV**

_Pain assaulted my body when I woke up from my state of unconsciousness. I felt a pounding headache in my right temple, and my cheek throbbed from the force of the slap my uncle gave me. My whole body was bruised and sore, especially my lower back. Every time I moved even a little bit, the pain flared up and I had to keep myself from causing myself any more pain._

_When I remembered the events of the night before, bitter and pained tears formed in my eyes. He had violated me in the worst way possible, and laughed and smiled in his sadistic the whole time. I couldn't believe someone could do that to a person, especially their own nephew, over and over again, and still go on with daily life as if nothing happened._

_Hot tears slid down my face, and I sobbed quietly into the pillow beneath me. A cool hand stroked my cheek in a loving manner, and I froze. "It's okay, Light. I'll make it feel better." I relaxed when I realized it was my brother and not my uncle, Lein Yagami._

_I rubbed my face gently against his cool hand, reveling in how it made the throbbing pain in my cheek disappear a little bit. A soft sigh left my lips. He kissed my forehead gently and said, "Sleep. Uncle is gone for a couple of days, so just let me take care of you."_

_I nodded, unable to say anything more, and drifted off into a peaceful sleep in my brother's arms, despite the pain I was in._

I woke up with a gasp, tears prickling my eyes at the memory. My brother. I tried not to cry, but cool tears trickled down my face as I remembered the only person I had before the . . . accident. I quickly wiped the tears away and tried to sit up, but was stopped by a searing pain in my lower back.

I quiet cry of pain left my lips, and I laid back down on my back, trying to distract myself from the pain. I sat up slowly, a pained grimace etched on my face. After I finally managed to stand, leaning heavily on the wall, I practically drug my body down the hall, making sure not to run into anyone, and to the bathroom.

When I got inside of the tiled room, I turned the hot water in the shower on high and gingerly pulled the first aid kit out, trying not to cause myself any unnecessary pain. I placed the kit on the marble counter and started to open it, but paused when I saw my reflection.

My hair was a complete mess, tangled and wild, and my eyes seemed to have lost all remaining light they had. I was paler than usually, unnaturally so, and there was a bruise along my left cheekbone. Tear tracks were obvious on my face from when I begged him to stop.

I grabbed a rag and soaked it all the way through with hot water from the shower, then scrubbed my face until the tear tracks were barely noticeable. After that I slowly stripped my clothes and almost tossed them into the hamper, but I noticed the blood on my shirt and pants and decided against it.

I dumped them in a pile next to the sink and inspected my body in the mirror. There were a couple of scattered scars, multiple bruises scattered across my torso, and a couple of scratches from where **that man's **nails dug into my skin. Dark marks that I knew weren't bruises colored my chest and torso as well.

I let a small sigh out and unwrapped my arms, revealing the new cuts and old ones, along with all of my scars. I smiled bitterly as I remembered where some of them came from, but pushed that thought away and stepped into the steaming shower.

I grabbed the wash rag and practically drowned it in soap, before scrubbing the invisible dirt from my skin harshly. Even though I rubbed the skin of my upper body raw I still felt dirty, disgusting, _used. _I kept muttering and whispering to myself as I tried to get rid of the filthiness that I couldn't shake.

I soon got to work on my lower body, and scrubbed the blood from my legs and thighs, then continued to make my lower half equally red. And yet I still couldn't get rid of the feeling that had haunted me for so long. I had finally dried my body off, but realized I didn't have any clothes. I gave a small sigh and began trying to wash the blood from my clothes.

I heard a knock on the bathroom door and froze. "Light, are you okay?"

Irritation rose in me. I kept scrubbing, but responded, "I'm fine. Some books just fell on me. I'm cleaning myself up."

"Do you want help?" The thought of him coming in there and seeing the state I was in made me sick to my stomach.

Quickly I said, "No! I mean, no, I don't need any help. I'm almost done. Just . . . leave me alone. I'm fine." I cursed at myself for that last part, realizing how pathetic that sounded.

I turned the sink water off when I realized the blood wouldn't come out. I moved to put the shirt in the pile of wet clothes, but realized too late that I moved in just the wrong way. I cursed as more burning pain radiated from my lower back.

"You don't sound fine," L responded, sounding slightly annoyed, along with another emotion that I couldn't decipher.

"Well I am!" I snapped, getting angry at how persistent the detective was being. "Now leave me alone!"

There was an almost unnoticeable pause before L said, "Okay, but if you ever need any help, just come to me." I scoffed, abhorring just the thought of doing that. Like hell I would ever go ask L for help. But then I paused. If it was my uncle trying to do that to me again, _would _I go to him for help?

Yes, I most likely would. And I hated that.

**-DN—DN—**

**And that's chapter three. I know I'm updating a lot in just a couple of days, but I want to get as much in as possible while I have inspiration. Again, please leave any advice you may have for me in the reviews, or PM me about it. **

**Also, I'm still open for requests, if anyone has any. Please favorite, follow, review and PM! Until next time . . . **

**~O'Malley out!**


	5. Chapter Four

**And here is chapter four. It may not be that great, and if not I apologize. School is a mess (as it has been since the beginning) and there's a lot of shit I need to get together. But here goes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note. All rights go to the author.**

**-DN—DN—**

**Light's POV**

I was still in shock from the conversation, or rather argument, which I'd just had with Watari. How could he not understand?! Did he not notice how uncomfortable that man made me?! Didn't he know what that man had done to me?! I was so frustrated I could scream, but I hadn't exercised my perfect control for nothing.

So I kept my expression blank and calmly walked up the stairs, ignoring the way my injuries protested. I quickly made it to my room and slammed the door behind me, unable to control that much of my fury. I froze as the smell hit my nose.

I hadn't realized the night before, I but I could still smell the stench of that man, and I could almost hear how I had begged, what he had whispered to me, how he had touched me. I swallowed the bile that rose in my throat and went to my closet, searching around, almost frantically, for the air spray.

Finally I found it and sprayed most of the new bottle around the room, masking the horrid smell as best as possible even though I could still smell traces of it. The spray can dropped from my hand and I felt tears prickling my eyes. The shock of what had happened to me again finally hit me. Silent sobs escaped my lips.

I fell to my knees, burying my face in my hands. And suddenly I was suspicious. I could hear footsteps coming down the hall in the direction of my room. I rushed to the door, locking it, then relaxed my back against it, sliding down and letting the now silent tears slip down my face.

The steps stopped outside my door, and someone knocked. "Light, it's me. Open up," a voice said through the thick wood of the door.

It was just L. I let out a sigh of relief, but didn't open the door, pretending I wasn't there. When L tried the handle and found that it was locked, he let out small sigh that I barely heard. "Light, I know you're there. I need to talk to you," L said, his bored tone there, but it sounded slightly pleading.

I thought about letting him in, letting him talk to me, but I knew that I was in no state to talk to him, let alone let him see me. I finally decided to block out L's presence and let the silent sobs consume me again, along with the flood of memories that came with them.

The memories of that night and what he'd done to me again after five and a half years taunted me and teased me, making my arms itch with the need to feel the cold metal against it, and see the red blood paint my skin crimson.

But I resisted that urge, acknowledging the fact that I could still hear L trying to get me to open the door. "I can see you sitting in front of the door, Light. Let me in." L's voice trickled through my haze of memories, snapping me back to reality.

I soon figured out that L wasn't going to give up on getting me to open the door, so I stood up, wiping my face of tears, and hoping that it wasn't obvious that I had just been crying. I turned around and faced the door, grabbing the turn lock.

But I hesitated. '_Should I?' _I thought to myself. I quickly made a decision and unlocked the door, then opened it slowly, only letting it open so that I could lean my body on the door frame. "What is it L?" I asked, faking irritation. At that moment I honestly couldn't care less what he had to say or ask.

"May I come in?" L asked, boredom clear on his face, but curiosity also mixing with it. I nodded, moving out of the way and opening the door wider. Once the raven was in the room, I closed the door but refrained from locking it, pushing back that force of habit.

L started speaking. "During the tour, I noticed you were acting a bit strange. Mr. Lein would look at you and this strange expression would cross your face. Is there any reason for that?"

A small bubble of anger rose in me. "I'm not one of your cases, _L,"_ I hissed. "I'm not something you can research and observe and solve."

A look of surprise was on L's face. He obviously wasn't expecting me to respond like that. "I-I didn't mean it like that, Light," the detective said, stuttering uncharacteristically.

I only shook my head. "Light, I'm not trying to solve you like a case. I'm just worried. You were acting strange then, and in the bathroom also."

"Why would you be worried about me?" I saw hurt flash in L's eyes.

"Because I care about you. In case you forgot, we used to be close. And I hoped that we still were," L said, voice soft and unsure.

I disregarded his doubt and quipped, "Key word being 'used'. We _used _to be close, but now we aren't. I thought you knew that, but I guess not. Or maybe you didn't take the hint when I stopped talking to you."

Another flash of hurt. "You might've stopped caring about me, but I never stopped caring about you. And I only asked that question because I care."

I let out a bitter laugh. I wanted to say, _'The man that raped me for years just came back! Wouldn't you act strange around him?!' _but refrained from doing so. Instead I said, "He's my uncle. We never had a great relationship when I was a kid, so I'm uncomfortable around him. Now that I've answered your riddle, can you please leave my room and give me some peace?"

I only said that to get him out of my room. I knew he wouldn't leave until I solved his little 'case', so I decided to end it quickly instead of arguing with him. I didn't buy that bullshit about him caring about me. Who would?! What else could I be to anyone other than a toy to use as they wish? Nothing. There was nothing else I could be.

That was all I was to Watari. Just another detective for him to cultivate and make his reputation better. And to L I was just another case. For some reason, that hurt more than even Watari using me. L gave me a strange look, but nodded and left, a thoughtful expression on his face.

When I that smell hit my nose again I broke down, more than just silent sobs escaping me. I had thought that being here I escaped him, but it seemed I was wrong. I would never be able to escape him. I sat with my back against the door once again, my knees pulled to my chest and head buried in my knees, letting the sobs wrack my body.

**-DN—DN—DN—**

**L's POV**

Why would Light lie to me? When he told me that he just had a bad relationship with his uncle, I could sense some truth in it, but my detective instincts were telling me that there was something more to the story than just a bad relationship.

I was about a yard away from Light's door when I heard crying, or rather sobbing, coming from his room. My eyes widened. Why was Light crying? Had I said something wrong? I quickly went back over our conversation and decided that, no, I hadn't said anything wrong. So why was he, the man that never showed that much emotion in the first place, sobbing?

My heart clenched at the sound. I wanted so badly to go in there and comfort him and get him to open up to me, but I knew that it would be a bad idea.

So I kept walked down the hall, worry and ideas gnawing at me, tearing me from the inside out.

**-DN—DN—DN—**

**And that is chapter four. Not that great, I know, but it's progress. I might reveal the argument in the next chapter. Though, if I'm being honest, this was pretty much a filler chapter. Keep reading! **

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM! This is the last call for requests. Anything you think might make the story better. If you put it in the reviews or PM it to me, I'll try and incorporate it into the fanfic. **

**Until next time . . . **

**~O'Malley out!**


	6. Chapter Five

**Here's chapter five! Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note, but I wish I did.**

**-DN—DN—DN-**

**Light's POV-The Meeting with Watari**

_I sat in Watari's office uneasily, silence enveloping the both of us. I said nothing, knowing that Watari was deep in thought. Finally, he said, "Light, I know what your uncle did to you when you were a child, but . . ." He hesitated. ". . . but he will be staying here, at the orphanage, for the next few mont-"_

"_What?!" I yelled, standing up and knocking the heavy wooden chair down in the process. "How can you let _that man _in here in the first place?! You're really going to let him stay in the same building as me when he _just _raped me?!" Watari's eyes widened. "He shouldn't be here! It'll be hell for me just knowing that he's here!"_

"_H-he what?" Watari whispered. Then in a louder voice he started speaking in a professional tone. "I'm very sorry, Light, but I've already readied everything, and we can't afford to lose him as a business partner. He is one of the people that keeps us running."_

_I gritted my teeth, hiding my eyes behind my hair. Frustrated tears prickled my eyes, and I forced them back. "I can't believe you, Watari. I can't . . . I can't live here with that man so close. If you let him stay here, I'm leaving. I'm of legal age, and I _will _take advantage of that."_

_Watari's face had guilt and indecision written all over it. I met his eyes and glared defiantly. "You won't do that, Light. You have nowhere to go. And you know that."_

"_I'll risk it. I've lived on the streets before, after all." My voice was steely and cold. _

"_Please, Light. It's only until the end of the school year. You can make it until then. Once this year is over you can leave this place and never look back. Just stay that long," Watari said, practically begging. _

"_I . . . I _can't. _You know what he did to me, and you know what he caused. I'd rather die than live within ten _miles _of him." My voice was soft, almost indistinct, but the director heard me. _

"_Light, I know you can make it. And plus, you won't be seeing him that often anyway. The both of you will be so busy with everything you're doing that you won't have the time to encounter each other. You know that as well as I do," Watari reasoned._

"_What about at night? It's not like the both of us work 24/7. We have to rest at some point, and I know that he's prepared to take that chance when it comes," I said, voice emotionless. Numb._

_I heard a sigh, but refused to look up. "As long as you lock your door and keep your guard up, you should be fine."_

_So Watari didn't care whether I got raped again or not?! I knew it. I knew that he only wanted to use me for his own selfish goals of making his reputation better. That's all anyone ever wanted me for. To get what they wanted from me. After that they always threw me away like trash._

"_Fine," I said. "I'll stay." With that, I left the office and went back up to my room._

**-DN—DN—DN-**

I swallowed the lump in my throat and got up off of the floor, drying my face of the tears that stained it. There was no point in fighting it. And who was I kidding?! I could never make it on the streets again. I'd become too weak. I remembered my early days of living as a street rat alone. They were horrible and bloody.

I shuddered just remembering them. I pushed those thoughts away and crawled in my bad, shedding my shoes and jacket. But I couldn't sleep. It just wouldn't come. So I got up and went to the shelf farthest away from me.

I pulled a couple of books off and reached into the back of the space they left to grab my sketch book. I replaced the books and grabbed some drawing pencils and an eraser from a drawer of my desk and settled myself on my bed.

I opened the sketchbook and skipped past all of my other drawings and found a clean page near the back of the book. I found the pencil I wanted, and started drawing. I lost myself in the art for almost three hours trying to get it perfect.

The finished product was dark. It was of an angel with black, battered wings limply hanging around him, as if trying to protect himself, and from what you could see of his face, he was crying, broken, and beaten. Blood covered his wings, his arms, which were wrapped around his legs, and his face. If you looked closely you could see cuts covering his arms, and a small bloody knife next to his feet. Chains were locked around his wrists.

The angel was in a bronze and beaten cage, with a lock in the front that kept him from escaping. The angel's chains were connected to a pole in the middle of the cage. The outside of the cage was fiery and dark, and looked like a desert. There were dead bodies surrounding the cage, blood spattered on the ground, and you could practically smell the rotting corpses in the air.

It was dark, yes, but it reflected my mood perfectly. I was startled out of my thoughts by a knock on my door. I shoved the sketch book, pencils, and eraser beneath my blankets, not noticing that the notebook was sticking out, and went to the door, asking who it was.

"Light, it's me," L's voice replied. "Watari sent me to give you dinner." I frowned. I hadn't gone because I wasn't hungry, but it seemed Watari wanted his precious little detective healthy. With an irritated sigh, I unlocked the door and opened it.

L walked in without invitation, holding a plastic container with food in it. "You didn't have to come in. I could've just taken the food," I said, rubbing my temples when I felt a headache coming on.

"I was also sent to check on you," he said, looking around my room with a bored expression, as if it was a crime scene.

I looked at my bed and noticed the sketchbook sticking out, and tried to go over and push it out of sight, but it was too late. L noticed and grabbed it, gently pulling it from beneath the covers, a bored expression on his face. He probably thought it was a school notebook or something, but his expression quickly changed when he saw that it wasn't that.

"Did you draw this?" he asked, awe evident in his voice, though not quite as much on his face.

"Why do you care?" I asked, snatching the sketchbook away before he could look with careful eyes.

"Because that was . . . amazing," he said, awe still in his voice, but not as obvious as before. I was slightly surprised. It was hard to catch the sugar-loving detective like this, even with his most puzzling cases.

"Yes, I drew it. Now please leave my room. I need some sleep," I said, noticing the time. I was slightly confused as to why L would be bringing me dinner at eleven at night, but let it go.

"But-" L started.

"No," I said, pushing him out of my room, grabbing the dinner, and slamming the door in his face and locking the door. I let out a frustrated sigh. "Why does that detective have to be so fucking nosy?"

**-DN—DN—DN-**

**And that is chapter five. I think the drawing thing, and the picture, was a bit clichéd. What do you guys think? Give some feedback and advice please.**

**Favorite, follow, review, and PM me! Until next time . . .**

**~O'Malley out!**


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